Welllllll my bags are (mostly) packed, I’m frantically tying up the loose ends that inevitably appear when one moves across the world, and feel… well like I’m about to jump off a cliff. I’m slightly unsure, speculative of the intimidating waters below, hesitantly edging myself towards the thrill that’s about to arise as I lift my feet of the land I’ve been planted on and jump, fly, splash into a new entirely different reality.
Will I make it? Did I arrange all the details correctly for an overseas transplant? Can I hack it with people far more experienced and educated than I? Am I cut out for Masters level work, especially in a new country with different educational traditions than I am accustomed to? Will I like the country, the people? Will I let the weather depress or invigorate me? Is my unique very American seattle-meets-san-diego-earthy-but-cosmopolitan-travelling-surfer-runner-sometimes goofy-girly-but-trying-to-remain-professional-laidback-yet-motivated persona going to scare people or somehow diminish what I have to say?
To be honest, I’m not really sure what I’m getting myself into. I wish I could say I was at peace, feeling the inner zen as I embark on the next wave of life, but I’m not there yet. I’ve never felt nervous about a trip before but I’m freaking out a little bit on the inside. Before China, Costa Rica, Australia, Indonesia and even conflict ridden Guatemala or East Timor I slept soundly and dreamt the wacky dreams I only have before exiting adventures. This time around, I can’t sleep at night, I can’t get past the murky uncertainty of what’s before me.
I guess I just have more at stake and know less of what to expect. This isn’t a semester abroad with people from my culture with debriefings and group processing times. No I'm going in blind to a very professionaly and academically qualified, intercultural, international... intimidating group. I know I will love it but I'm a little scared. Scared that I'll diminish my own abilities, scared that I'll be in over my head, scared that I don't know where this step is going to take me. It’s a gamble, with the highest stakes I’ve ever put out. My objective is to strengthen my knowledge, world view, and influence to impact the world for good. To pursue social justice, freedom from suffering, hope and opportunity for those oppressed due to no fault of their own. If I can somehow manage to do that while learning about myself and embracing those around me, I think I'll be feeling alright. I just gotta take it one step at a time...
If I’ve learned anything from my time in San Diego, it’s that life is a process of finding yourself, and even if you don’t exactly know who that person is, you do know some things about yourself- things that ring true and deeply resonate in your being as the best way to act and live your life. Pursue those things and don’t let anybody tell you you’re wrong or stupid, or not “cool” for doing them. Don’t change yourself to fit a mold or a cookie-cutter look or personality… popular definitions fade with each second passing. It’s a fruitless, empty endeavor to try to look or act as anything you aren’t. Especially since most (at least US) "popular ideals" are completely based in superfluous, selfish, mindless, empty fluff. Humanity is a rainbow of beautiful cultures and shining personalities, practical skills and deep, abiding strengths. Seek that which resonates with you and celebrate it! The childhood mantra, “be yourself” holds deep value. I've come to believe the people who are most satisfied and successful in life are those who call a spade a spade, who follow through with what they say, and respect and embrace their own journeys while genuninely supporting, empowering, and encouraging those of others. As I continue to figure myself out, I hope and pray to bear these truths in mind and never stop opening myself to learning and embracing even greater and more powerful lessons.
Well I must sleep now. I’m hoping I will have a wacky dream. Something like me leaping off a 30 foot cliff with my favorite surfboard into a clear glassy turquoise rolling point break with giant jade sea turtles swimming below and the people I love splashing around, bathed in bright beams of sunlight with a jungle of monkey friends rooting for us on the shore. :)
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." Teddy Roosevelt
"Justice consists not in being neutral between right and wrong, but in finding out the right and upholding it, wherever found, against the wrong." Teddy Roosevelt
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." Eleanor Roosevelt
“What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson
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